Do you see the world through rose tinted or shit tinted glasses?
Know me… but at ALL and you’ll know basically… I see the world through TV tinted glasses 😅
So, when I started getting into Enneagram all those years ago - it was natural for these characters I love to start to line up with that backlog of Enneagram knowledge in my noggin’.
Seriously. Realizing I was the same Enneagram type as Michael Scott 🥇 and Ted Mosby 🤮? Bigger mindfuck/eye opening experience than any Instagram post ever gave me.
Something my clients often struggle with? Seeing themselves clearly. I know I struggle with it sometimes too… ugh I hate admitting that, but it’s true.
Two characters I like to use as examples of warped self-perception? Michael Scott and Howard Wolowitz.
How does Michael Scott see himself? As a kind, generous volunteer who loves singing in the shower. OH, and he made a tiny, tiny, tiny mistake that one time he hit Meredith with his car.
SUE HIM 😂
How do we think Meredith seems him? Probably a lot differently right? Probably as the guy who can’t own up to his shit, and how it affected someone in his life.
Michael has what I like to call “self-blindness due to rose coloured glasses”.
It’s a subconscious choice he’s making. To see himself as he WISHES he was - without fault, ALWAYS loveable, and the type of person you ALWAYS want around. (Enneagram 2 things.. I feel you Michael. I feel you 😅)
It’s safer that way. It’s safer to remind others of your goodness than to admit you fucked up and risk losing your place in peoples lives.
And not being necessary/wanted in the lives of others? Enneagram 2 KRYPTONITE.
What about self-blindness due to 💩 coloured glasses??
Enter…. Howard Wolowitz.
For those who don’t know the Big Bang Theory context: In S2E12 - Howards gone TOO FAR in his “flirtation” with Penny.
Howard is also an SX/SP Enneagram 4.
Enneagram 4s tend to feel a deep sense of lack within themselves. They often look at themselves like broken dolls - missing that ONE thing that everyone else seems to have that makes them.. whole.
SX Enneagram 4s are almost like pinballs - bouncing back and forth between feeling less than due to their uniqueness, and so much more than due to the same thing.
They have BOTH pairs of glasses on rotation and they alternate as often as one would change their underwear if not more. 😅
Or they’re like bifocals - that actually seems WAY more like it!!!!
In this episode, we see Howard go from one extreme to the other.
From feeling invincible, erotic, sensual, and confident… to “I’m going to die alone” in a matter of seconds.
He starts by overcompensating - EXCESSIVE flirtation as a means to take away from that feeling of “I’m missing something”. Rose Coloured Glasses are ON and he’s showing off his Peacock Colours and how unique/special he is.
Then, when that doesn’t work? BOOM. It’s a nice reminder to him that he’s nothing, insignificant, misunderstood, and better off alone in his feelings.
Something to remember though?
Low Moments ≠ Reality and we ALL HAVE THEM
-> Enneagram 2s (and 7s/9s) are in the “Positive Outlook” group. They tend to see things through rose coloured glasses when shit goes south. It’s a form of self-protection - but without knowing why you’re doing it… is it really helping you?
Instead of Michael seeing the situation for what it was - “I wasn’t paying attention. I was wrapped up in the film crew. I like the idea of being important, and got caught up in it.”
He’s seeing it as something that happened to HIM, not something he made happen to someone else.
It’s a form of denial through self-protection. (Michael’s Enneagram 8 stress line) Tell me again that being in your stress line is helping you 😅
-> Enneagrams 4s (and 5s/9s) are in the “Withdrawn” group. They withdraw into themselves when shit goes south. Enneagram 4s in particular tend to use this time.. not to their advantage.
What the actual fuck is my point???
SELF-PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING!!!
If Michael felt FULLY and COMPLETELY comfortable in seeing himself for who he is as an Enneagram 2 - “I’m loveable even if I fuck up”.. he wouldn’t have subconsciously thrown those rose coloured glasses on to see the situation in a way where he needed to defend himself because really he didn’t do anything wrong.. in fact, he helped Meredith find out she had rabies. But, that self focused way of thinking that subconsciously puts him ABOVE others as someone who should be above blame for his mistakes? Wouldn’t have been autopilot. He wouldn’t be all up in his stress line. He would feel more in tune with his authenticity + self love.
If Howard felt FULLY and COMPLETELY comfortable in seeing himself for who he is as an Enneagram 4 - “I’m enough just as I am”.. he wouldn’t have gone so far to overcompensate - which landed him in the land of crossing boundaries, and ending up alone in his room questioning his worth. If he KNEW his subtypes tendency to swing from “I’m awesome” to “holy shit I suck” - he would know this moment is temporary. He would feel more in control of these emotional swings.
WE ALL HAVE OUR SHIT.
WE ALL HAVE OUR AWESOMES.
It’s OKAY to be honest about yourself when you’re being awesome.
It’s OKAY to be honest about yourself when you’re being a twat.
It’s not only okay.. it’s step ONE on your personal growth journey.
Step One: Radical Self Honesty w/o Self Shaming
Step Two: Notice The Feeling w/o Intellectualizing
Step Three: Name the Feeling w/o personal bias
Step Four: Accept the Feeling w/o hating on yourself
Step Five: Manage the Feeling + Circumstances
We CAN NOT expect to be able to manage how we’re reacting/responding to life when we aren’t willing to be entirely honest with ourselves.. without shitting on ourselves while doing it.
It’s a TOUGH… tough line to travel. I know. But, that’s what I’m here for!
Anywayyyyyyyyyyyy - that’s all I’ve got for you today!
Take your TIME with yourself.
Be KIND to yourself.
Be HONEST with yourself.
Be Compassionate with yourself.
XOXO